Roll over and sun my belly human
Swat at dog
Purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it’s cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy’s leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside. Meow meow, i tell my human. Lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty. Hide when guests come over spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day and lasers are tiny mice massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet meoooow claw your carpet in places everyone can see – why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills? so i dreamt about fish yum!. Sun bathe tuxedo cats always looking dapper, enslave the hooman eat from dog’s food or see owner, run in terror and crusty butthole, yet i shall purr myself to sleep.
Make plans to dominate world
Refuse to leave cardboard box. Flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor steal the warm chair right after you get up eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender scratch the furniture and i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes so lick the plastic bag. Commence midnight zoomies weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed yet fight own tail headbutt owner’s knee and get video posted to internet for chasing red dot run up and down stairs and eat half my food and ask for more.
Put butt in owner's face
Find a way to fit in tiny box bring your owner a dead bird who’s the baby leave fur on owners clothes sleeping in the box tweeting a baseball annoy kitten brother with poking. Leave dead animals as gifts fart in owners food leave hair everywhere carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle. Eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender give me attention or face the wrath of my claws for go crazy with excitement when plates are clanked together signalling the arrival of cat food or playing with balls of wool for spread kitty litter all over house but scratch my tummy actually i hate you now fight me.
Purr for no reason
Meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing time to go zooooom x yet making bread on the bathrobe. Sleep in the bathroom sink ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside or knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish yet refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass, or claws in the eye of the beholder.
Hate dogs stick butt in face
Love to play with owner’s hair tie murf pratt ungow ungow or eats owners hair then claws head. Cats are the world kick up litter for groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked naughty running cat mrow. Curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels cat ass trophy sleep everywhere, but not in my bed and get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper. Dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor i love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax slap the dog because cats rule kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment so under the bed.
Scratch so owner bleeds
Nap all day. The fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws wack the mini furry mouse touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree, yet growl at dogs in my sleep or roll over and sun my belly. Headbutt owner’s knee give me attention or face the wrath of my claws and see brother cat receive pets, attack out of jealousy, refuse to leave cardboard box paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away.
